The Hand I Used to Hold© Illusion Face Cloth

What’s to say?  I miss her.  Goodnight misses her too.  Neither one of us is fond of Mother’s Day for our own reasons – all understandable.

To honor what we were both feeling last evening as we talked about Mother’s Day, I designed an Illusion face cloth with an image of a hand. 

Goodnight’s mother, my daughter, was an adult when she passed away, so the hand image is not one of a youngster.  I chose to knit the hand in black to give the impression of a shadow.

Isn’t it most appropriate that the hand we miss holding . . . . disappears?

Here’s a link to the PDF file knitting pattern:  Hand I Used to Hold Illusion Face Cloth

I offer this design and knitting pattern as my way of honoring those courageous mothers who know the same loss I do – the loss of a child (no matter the age).

Best wishes on this impending Mother’s Day holiday that leaves some us a little . . . . quieter than usual.


  1. 1
    RionaMF Says:

    Hello Goodnightgram, I’ve never written on a blog before, but this one … although from last year … made me think of my grandmother who passed away at 94 years of age 5 years ago this past Christmas. She was my “mother” for most of my life, and I miss her horribly. There will never be another “Granny” in my life, and I will never be able to hold her hand again. Thank you for this lovely design. RionaMF

  2. 2

    RionaMF: You’re welcome. I’m sorry that she died at Christmastime. That must make it an especially poignant holiday for you. I’m glad you like my hand design.

  3. 3
    Susan Stone Says:

    HI Goodnightgram,
    Thank you so much for this pattern! I tried several times in the past to download it and it refused to download for me.

    After Easter (I don’t remember what month it was) my stepdd’s only dd committed suicide. She was only 31. I wasn’t her Grama but we are friends and we love each other.

    That wk I told Em I wanted to make this for my stepdd and it finally downloaded!! I guess GOD had a plan for me to only be able to get it when i needed it.

    Thank you again and pls give Goodnight some hugs from me.


  4. 4

    Dear Susan: Thank you for taking the time to visit my blog and to leave such nice comments. I’m so glad to hear that you were able to download the pattern eventually. Just an FYI, though, I would have helped anyway possible, too – maybe sending it via email or another format or something. I am terribly sorry to hear about your stepdd’s dd’s suicide. That is very tragic and you ahve every right to tear up. Oh, my dear, I am so very sorry, Grama or not, it is sad for you, too. I’m glad the face cloth is something you’d like to knit for your stepdd. I like it too. Feel free to add a border if you like: crochet, knit – or none.

  5. 5
    Dani Says:

    This is beautiful, and it reminds me of my first daughter who was born not long after my birthday, already gone (she had a genetic abnormality that wouldn’t allow her to live) I have since been blessed with her beautiful sister, who is a healthy 2 year old now. I’m always looking for something to give her in honor of her older sister, and this is such a beautiful thought, I think I might make one for her when she’s a little older and can understand better. She seems to know that she’s supposed to have a sister and clings to her older cousin as though she were a sister. I think when she’s old enough, this would be something that she would appreciate, thank you so much for sharing this design.

  6. 6

    Dani: Thank you for taking the time to leave a comment. I designed the Hand I Used to Hold for those of us who have someone we miss. There is another face cloth with a smaller hand on it because I heard from mothers who lost children much younger than mine was when she passed away. If you are interested in having a look, it’s at:

    The smaller hand was more challenging to represent in the Illusion style, but it works. Now you have two from which you can choose.


  7. 7
    Christine Says:

    Dear Goodnightgram,
    Thank you for posting this. I know your pain too – I lost my only son (I have two amazing daughters, thank God) April 18, 2011 – two weeks before his 22nd birthday – to a motorcycle accident. It has left such a hole in our lives … but to make things worse, my best friend lost her daughter and one of my children’s oldest friends on 5 October 2011; she was only 20.
    I will be making this cloth not only for me but also for her. It is a wonderful, wonderful way to express that loss. Thank you so much for posting this for all of us who have lost that most wonderful gift God could give: our child. God bless you.

  8. 8

    Dear Christine,
    You’re very welcome for the pattern. Words are hardly necessary, because you . . . and sadly your best friend understand such a loss. I am very sorry to hear that you and she both lost children – and in the same year, too. I’m glad you found your way to the knitting pattern. My condolences. Please pass them along to your friend as well. G.G.

  9. 9
    Jackie Says:

    My sister lost her 23 year old son last year and I was looking for something to make for her. This is perfect. She is having a very hard time.

  10. 10

    Jackie: I understand your sister’s very hard time – from personal experinece. That you have been looking for something to make for her says a lot about the sister that you are. Thank you for that. Peace to both of you.

  11. 11
    Laura's mum Says:

    I was looking for a way to knit some contrasting squares for a charity blanket, and finally came across illusion knitting. This square (and the small hand square, too) is truly beautiful, and obviously moves people. I hope it says to the child somewhere in the world who will get the blanket, that people reach out.

  12. 12

    Hello Laura’s Mum: Thanks for taking the time to visit my blog and leave a comment. I think a blanket will be wonderful! I did a scarf in the same design, alternating the colors of the hands. You can view it at: just in case you want to see what a repeat of the design looks like. Sounds like a great project! This design has been well-received.

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