I was minding my own business this morning – sitting at the table, looking down at my knitting. Goodnight came down the stairs in an unusually bouncy mood for a school day. Don’t get me wrong; she loves school, but she’s a normal teen and school mornings aren’t her ‘bounciest’ time.
She stood on the other side of the table for a second, staring at me. I find that waiting works better than prodding. Then . . .
GN: Gram? Do you have a mustache?
Gram: (the voice in my head said ”Don’t answer that til you know E-X-A-C-T-L-Y what she’s asking.) I let my knitting rest in my lap and looked up at her – secretly hoping that the light would fall on my upper lip, thus taking away any shadow that caused her question. What WAS that girl thinking?
GN: Oh! Ha ha hahahaha! I mean . . . do you have a SPARE mustache?
Gram: (the voice in my head didn’t like that question any better. In fact, that she asked me for a spare, implied an aswer to her first question. Yikes!) I . . . said . . . .nothing.
GN: I mean . . . do you have a mustache that I can use for my costume for today? See, I gotta play this guy who murdered someone. We read it in a book and today we are acting out the trial. See, I’m going on trial for murder today and I gotta have a mustache. Do you have one?
Gram: (Seems like someone going on trial for murder needs more than a mustache. The voice in my head was secretly praising me for waiting – with dignity – while at the same time looking at the clock and calculating the minutes she had before her school bus arrived AND saying to myself, ”Does she realize how long Officer Friendly has been gone and that he didn’t have a mustache either?) Gosh, Hon. Lemme think about this. You want to wear a mustache today, eh? AND you think I have a spare, eh? I have no mustaches in this house. But . . . WAIT!!! I think I can do this!!!!!
I slipped the project I was knitting right off the needles, picked up a bit of black wool that was right there on the table in front of me and knit that crazy girl a mustache!
GN: Gram! I look like Hercule Poirot! Thanks!
The eighth grade class has been reading an Agatha Christie novel and will be acting out the trial today . . . however Monsieur Poirot is not a character in this particular Christie volume.
GN made it to her bus on time – wearing the mustache.
GN’s Knit Mustache
Black wool – sport weight
#3 straight needles
Cast on 20 stitches.
(The cast on side of the mustache is the bottom and goes just above the lip.)
Row 1: Knit
Row 2: Knit
Row 3: Bind off 2 stitches, knit to end of row.
Row 4: Bind off 2 stithces, knit to end of row.
For 5 Bind off 3 stithces, knit to end of row.
Row 6: Bind of 3 stitches, knit to end of row.
Row 7: Bind off 4 stitches, knit to end of row.
Row 8: Bind off 4 stitches, knit to end of row.
Row 9: Bind off last 2 stitches leaving a 12-14 inch tail. Cut yarn.
(This side of the mustache is the top and goes under the nose.)
With the bind-off tail, take a few loose stitches through the center of the fabric – from the top of mustache to the bottom and then back up to the top. Pull tightly to gather the fabric. This draws the middle of the mustache upwards and provides a bit of additional shaping. Secure the gathering and then weave in the end.
Weave in the cast on tail.
Affix to wearer’s upper lip with duct tape rolled over on itself to provide two sticky surfaces. (Or you could use double-sided tape if it’s sticky enough.)